The Bottom Falls Out: Welcome to World of Robo Lawyer

Everyone knows that there is a hierarchy of legal jobs.  Big Law is at the top of the pyramid as the aspirational goal for many attorneys.  Mid-sized firms, public interest and government work is mixed in the middle.  Near the bottom is Shit Law Solo Work--which can be gratifying, but hardly pays the bills.   Somewhere below that is contract work--the last resort for many attorneys.  The gigs pay less than they used to, the work is mind numbing and repetitive, and the hours are horrendous... but it is the fall back when there is nothing else out there to do.  Like now, for example.  I actually worked on two contract gigs before becoming a Solo, and I swore I would rather be homeless than have another bout of the flu--brought on by the close, germy, dirty, tight and stuffy work environment.  I actually got the flu 3 times in a 4  month period: stomach, regular, regular.

Thousand of attorneys in New York Shitty live off of contract gigs, hoping to hide out until the economy improves.   Some have made careers of it.  Actually, to many, it seemed like the only healthy part of the legal industry--since Big Law was favoring contract attorneys over first year associates to do the grunt work of document review.  Then the ABA OK'd Indian Lawyers doing the same work for pennies on the dollar.  We thought that gutted the industry.  But now, contract work stands to be eliminated altogether with  the advent of a new discovery software that actually analyzes legal documents.  Yes, it thinks like a lawyer--batteries not included.  The article is short, so here it is:

When five television studios became entangled in a Justice Department antitrust lawsuit against CBS, the cost was immense. As part of the obscure task of “discovery” — providing documents relevant to a lawsuit — the studios examined six million documents at a cost of more than $2.2 million, much of it to pay for a platoon of lawyers and paralegals who worked for months at high hourly rates.

But that was in 1978. Now, thanks to advances in artificial intelligence, “e-discovery” software can analyze documents in a fraction of the time for a fraction of the cost. In January, for example, Blackstone Discovery of Palo Alto, Calif., helped analyze 1.5 million documents for less than $100,000.

Some programs go beyond just finding documents with relevant terms at computer speeds. They can extract relevant concepts — like documents relevant to social protest in the Middle East — even in the absence of specific terms, and deduce patterns of behavior that would have eluded lawyers examining millions of documents.

“From a legal staffing viewpoint, it means that a lot of people who used to be allocated to conduct document review are no longer able to be billed out,” said Bill Herr, who as a lawyer at a major chemical company used to muster auditoriums of lawyers to read documents for weeks on end. “People get bored, people get headaches. Computers don’t.”

Yes, lawyers are the grocery store cashiers of the 00's, the bank tellers of the 90's and the factory workers of the 80's...  We're being replaced by computers.  Could this be the first white collar job to fall to new and innovative technology?  And we thought the service sector was safe.  Terminator is becoming more real to me every day.

Thanks for the tip, Reader!

University of Miami Law School Pays Unemployed Grads $2500 Each Month to Work at ShitLaw Firms

Several days ago, Angel wrote about Georgetown Law manipulating its employment statistics by providing $4,000 stipends to unemployed graduates to participate in law-related volunteer programs. TTT schools such as University of Miami are also getting into the act to boost its employment numbers. Firms and courts will get free labor in the form of unemployed UM grads who in return will receive a $2500 monthly stipend from UM.

Is UM Law doing this out of the goodness of their heart or is it another way of boosting employment stats to match Cooley Law's 100% employment rate? You decide. After all, a few hundred thousand dollars spent on temporary employment for doomed graduates is a small investment for fake employment statistics that will surely fool thousands more into taking the LSAT and borrowing $150k for a useless degree. The article also mentions fellow law school scam blog Shilling Me Softly and the now defunct Big Debt, Small Law written by Seton Hall graduate Scott Bullock:

A righteous anger has been seething from the most unlikely and urbane of American institutions. Inside ivy-shaded law schools from Columbia to Berkeley, students facing six-figure debts and zero job prospects are howling that JDs aren't much more than university-approved scams.

Dozens of blogs such as Shilling Me Softly have stirred the wrath, and last month a Boston College student earned headlines by begging his chancellor to give him back his tuition. "It's really just a Ponzi scheme," a Seton Hall law student and blogger named Scott Bullock told the New Jersey Star-Ledger this summer.

The latest sign of law grads' dire straits comes from Coral Gables, where the University of Miami is trying to bolster the grim market for the 350 new lawyers set to graduate next spring by offering their services — for free.

The program, called the Legal Corps, will place graduating students without job offers at public interest organizations or judicial chambers. The firms and courts will pay nada, while UM will pick up a $2,500 monthly stipend.

"It's great to know that we've got this as a fallback option," says Irma Khoja, a 26-year-old South Florida native who will graduate next spring.

UM's program has earned accolades for its realistic approach. In 2009, the school asked incoming students to consider deferring enrollment for a year and asked would-be lawyers to check their motivations before committing.

Now, UM is perhaps the first school in the nation to offer its new grads' talents for free to public service-minded firms. The pragmatic message might be tough to stomach, but most law students appreciate it, Khoja says.

"What's great about UM is they're very practical and realistic compared to other schools who see this as just an opportunity to get more applications and more revenue," she says.

Like the vast majority of her classmates, Khoja doesn't have any offers lined up. She won't apply to the Legal Corps unless nothing else materializes — but at least it's there, forestalling any urge to join the ranks of enraged law school bloggers.

"I'm just trying to stay as positive as I can," she says, "because it's the only way to get through the semester."

Isn't it sad to see this UM student believe her school is starting this program because they actually care about her job prospects after graduation, not because they want more applications and revenue? Our colleges and universities have become corporations that only care about making a profit at any and all costs. I hope more students begin to realize this so they can stop depending on their schools and career services to find them jobs.

25 of the Highest Paying Jobs Don't Require College Degrees

I must have covered this sort of story before, but it hurts every time I see it.  And the common denominator is the inability of Big Business to outsource the work:

...According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), eight of the 10 fastest-growing occupations through 2014 don't require a bachelor's degree. And these jobs, which include health technology, plumbing, firefighting and automotive repair, are less vulnerable to outsourcing. After all, if a fire breaks out, you need the fire department to be a few blocks away, not halfway around the world.

Good point. That's why lawyers and factory workers are equally screwed.  So, here are the jobs. Read 'em and weep!


1. Air traffic controller: $102,030

2. Funeral director: $79,517

3. Operations manager: $77,839

4. Industrial production manager: $73,000

5. Transportation manager: $72,662

6. Storage and distribution manager: $69,898

7. Computer technical support specialist: $67,689

8. Gaming manager: $64,880

9. First-line supervisor/manager of police and detective: $64,430

10. Nuclear power reactor operator: $64,090

11. Computer specialist: $59,480

12. First-line, non-retail supervisors/manager: $59,300

13. Nuclear technician: $59,200

14. First-line supervisor/manager of fire fighting and prevention worker: $58,920

15. Real estate broker: $58,720

16. Elevator installer and repairer: $58,710

17. Sales representative, wholesale and manufacturing, technical and scientific products: $58,580

18. Dental hygienist: $59,790

19. Radiation therapist: $57,700

20. Nuclear medicine technologist: $56,450

21. Power plant distributor and dispatcher: $57,330

22. Fashion designer: $55,840

23. Ship engineer: $54,950

24. Detective and criminal investigator: $53,990

25. Commercial pilot: $53,870

I wish I were a Funeral Director.  Working with the dead has always appealed to me. Oh well!
Thanks BIDER tipster.  This particular tipster sends me stories all the time.  I really appreciate it. You should comment some time, girlie!

The Schlong Contest.

This was a rough week for me, professionally.  I am a litigator.  99% of the time, I am extremely satisfied with the result and with my performance. I get my point across to the judge, even if I have to raise my voice and sometimes speak over the opposing counsel. I find, if I keep repeating my point, the judge will hear me and I can sway him/her my way.  My clients are satisfied with their representation. I have been called a bulldog more than once.  I try to keep my composure and I don't like to yell. I am honest and forthcoming. I don't play tricks.  I like the type of lawyer that I am.

But there are days when I hate being a lawyer and I just want to throw in the towel.  These days come up more often since I've become a court-running attorney.  Overall, I thoroughly enjoy the adversarial nature of it.  But sometimes, I can't handle the way other attorneys treat me.  I guess, on some infrequent occasions, I feel like I'm in a schlong contest with no schlong. In other words, if I had one, I feel like my point would be better made if I whipped it out of my pants and laid it on the table and measured it.. and it was bigger than opposing counsel's.

For example, I was sitting in court waiting for opposing counsel (who I have never met or spoken to) to arrive, so I can discuss the possibility of settlement.  I was in the jury box and I overheard an older gentleman check in with the clerk on my case.  I approached him with a rather blank look on my face and no preconceptions of what he was thinking or going to say.  I said, "Sir..." because I try to be respectful of older opposing counsel.

He says, "Are you going to speak to me like a human being or like an animal?!"

I was floored.  Where did this animosity come from?  Once again, I felt the urge to whip it out and compare and contract appendages with opposing counsel so we could settle our caveman contest.

We eventually spoke and he calmed down, but I cannot understand why he hit me so hard when I said nothing to him.

Like I said, it doesn't happen often.  But when it happens, it definitely burns me and bothers me the rest of the day.

Earlier this week, I conducted a deposition of a defendant.  I tried to lay the groundwork for the depo, i.e. are you on any meds today?  Do you understand your testimony here has the full force and effect of testimony in front of a judge/jury?  Please answer verbally, not by bobbing your head or with hand gestures.   You know, questions that a deponent may consider useful if they are not regularly involved in litigation. I'm not talking about airplane instructions on how to exit.  I consider these questions/instructions useful.

Once again, before I even finished my first prep question, the octogenarian opposing counsel jumped down my throat as if I was Linda Lovelace.

"MY CLIENT ISN'T GOING TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS UNLESS THEY INVOLVE THE ACCIDENT, SO GET TO THE POINT."

Geez, man.  I got to the point, and let the prep questions go.  Of course, his client (probably Hispanic in origin and definitely not fluent enough in English), was answering with uh-huhs and huh-huhs and not letting me finish the question before he jumped in with answers. In other words, all issues that could have been easily cured if he let me finish a fucking sentence before he screamed out "OBJECTION" and instructed his client not to answer.

It was a disaster of a deposition. He wouldn't let me ask a question unless I used precise legal terminology--when I speak in plain English--and his client inevitably had no clue what the hell the legal jargon meant.

Then it got bad, where the old man would jump in and change his client's testimony if he didn't think he answered appropriately.

I blew up.  I went off the record, turned beet red and I told him to shut up and stop interrupting me. I'm not as young as I look and I know exactly what I'm saying and how I'm saying it and I don't appreciate his brash behavior.

He shut up.

I felt the testosterone pumping through my veins, burning my ovaries barren. I hated the way it felt.

So, I know that this sort of thing happens to people all the time.  But I think this experience uniquely affects women.  It's very bizarre to feel emasculated as a woman, but that's how you feel when you inadvertently enter into a schlong contest with a domineering, loudmouth attorney.

Anyone have similar stories to share?

Did You Take the Bar Exam to Earn $10 an Hour?

Then this is the job for you! It is a full time entry-level position for recent law school graduates who just spent $5,000 to study and take the bar exam. You'll work in the Chicago Loop so no one will ever guess that you are getting paid slightly more than a fast food worker to practice law. Who cares about rent for a Chicago apartment, food, or those pesky student loan payments? Considering that U.S. Attorneys' offices across the country are hiring entry level prosecutors to work for $0, this is an opportunity you CANNOT pass up. Apply now!

Did you just take the Bar Exam? (Loop)

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Date: 2010-08-05, 6:32PM CDT
Reply to: job-ebupe-1882954368@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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We are looking for a recent law school graduate to assist in our busy litigation practice.
The position allows you to work with and learn from experienced litigators but also requires a great deal of administrative and clerical work.
The successful candidate will work directly with an attorney and be intimately involved with every aspect of the day to day litigation process.
This is an excellent opportunity to acquire a great deal of marketable experience in a short period of time.
The position is full time and pays $10.00 per hour.
Please forward a resume if interested.

• Location: Loop
• Compensation: $10.00 per hour
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

"Extraordinary Opportunity" for Paralegal/JD in Northern Virginia

For $11-13 an hour you can work from dawn until dusk with a 30 minute lunch break at a law office located in Falls Church, VA, one of the richest cities in the country. Notice how the ad makes no difference between a paralegal right out of college and a law graduate. Either way you're just a low wage administrative assistant who must also juggle being a lawyer and interacting with clients.


I live in Podunk where the cost of living is significantly less than in NOVA/DC and the housekeepers here get paid more than what a lot of the firms in major cities are offering these days. Also be sure to check out toiletlaw's latest post for another extraordinary opportunity to work for $12 an hour in New Jersey.

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Very skilled experienced Paralegal or JD needed for very busy criminal and civil practice.
Extraordinary opportunity with opportunity for growth.

Must have experience having worked in other law firms.
Be professional and articulate as this position involves client interaction.
Must be ON TIME, organized and able to multi-task.
Hours are from 8AM to 6:00PM daily with a 30 minute lunch break.

Involves:
client intakes
scheduling apts.
creating files
filing away files
organizing office
maintaining calenders
calling clients
typing letters, pleadings and correspondence daily. Must be a fast typist.
Answering phones/taking messages
interacting with the Court
periodic filings with the court

Requirements:
Fast Paced environment - must be able to juggle many different tasks.
MUST NOT HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD OF ANY KIND - a complete background check will take place
ONLY APPLICANTS THAT PROVIDE their resumes will get a response.
This position is for immediate placement, please be ready to start promptly.
Only applicants with salary expectations will receive interview opportunity.


Thank you.

• Location: Falls Church
• Compensation: $11 to $13/hour or based on experience

Yahoo HotJobs: Legal, Advertising, Writing??

Yahoo should do their homework before posting another article like this one on the front page of their website. Unsurprisingly, the article which includes law, online journalism, and advertising as future hot careers is written by Gina Pogol who works for Find the Right School, another scam-like website that takes your email address and spams you with junk mail from University of Phoenix, Devry University, American Intercontinental University, and Kaplan University. I looked up this "journalist" and discovered that her past job before she became an editor was loan officer at CTX Mortgage Company. This is what the former loan officer turned third tier toilet shill had to say:

Not hot: data entry, customer service, and collections
As companies look for ways to save on labor costs, more of them are off-shoring entry-level "knowledge worker" jobs such as customer service, collections, and data entry. Many of these jobs can be handled remotely from countries like India, where English is widely spoken and the educational system is good. The trend is for English-speaking countries with low labor costs to pull these formerly lucrative jobs out of North America.

The writer doesn't seem to realize that a lot of our legal jobs are being outsourced to India too.

Prepare for top careers
The top careers of the future are not entry-level positions. They require career training in the form of an on-campus or online degree to get started. Here are five careers that are most likely to offer interesting work, loads of opportunity, nice paychecks, and job security.

Anyone who tells you that an online degree could lead to a six-figure legal job or online journalism career is clearly a scam artist. Guess what, Ms. Pogol? Most of us here have professional or graduate degrees from top schools and even a few years of work experience and we're still considered to be "overqualified" entry-level candidates. I don't think legal temping for $12/hour or doing freelance writing for $20/hour part-time in Manhattan with no benefits qualifies as interesting work with loads of opportunity and job security.

Writing
Most working writers have bachelor's degrees in English, journalism, or communications, but other degrees are acceptable in many industries if applicants demonstrate good writing skills. Many work on marketing, instructional, and technical materials; online journalism is popular, too. (Only a few writers pen bestsellers and award-winning screenplays.) Many writers work as freelancers, so business courses can come in handy as well. In-demand professional writers and editors can earn six-figure incomes. There are many opportunities, but competition is keen because many people want to enjoy this career.

Yes, an editor or regular columnist at the New York Times or Newsweek makes a six-figure salary. But for every Paul Krugman or Fareed Zakaria, there are millions of unemployed journalists making pennies a day on their personal blog hoping to be the next Julie Powell. Newspapers and magazines are shutting down all over the country and the online journalism market is as saturated as the legal profession. Most freelancers and online writers live at the poverty level. The luckier ones who work for reputable online newswires make around $40k a year in New York City and DC.

Legal careers
Legal careers can allow you to work in any area that interests you, including environmental law, estate planning, personal injury, and politics. And there is a career for every education level--from legal-assistant certificate programs to bachelor's degrees in paralegal studies to Juris Doctor (JD) degrees for attorneys. Despite excellent growth in these professions, the BLS states that competition will be tough, and you'll need formal training to grab the best jobs. Earning potential for top-level pros ranges from about $60,000 for legal secretaries and assistants to about $75,000 for paralegals, to hefty six-figure salaries for lawyers.

Do I really need to go into this one? The legal profession is shrinking, not expanding. Most lawyers do not make a six-figure salary outside of BigLaw. Thousands have been forced to make a career out of temping for $20/hour and no benefits. The author also forgets to mention the six-figure debt to get a JD.

Advertising
Advertising is a sexy profession and a "highly coveted" one, according to the BLS. So of course there's a lot of competition. Advertising, marketing, public-relations, and sales managers are responsible for their companies' market research; marketing strategies; public image; print, online, and TV ads; and more. This job allows a lot of creativity but also brings pressure, long hours, and frequently a lot of travel. Most employers prefer candidates with a bachelor's degree in business, an MBA, or a degree in communications, public relations, or journalism. If you can take the heat, you can pull in a cool salary--top dogs earn over $120,000 a year.

I don't know a ton about the advertising biz, but several of my friends who have worked in advertising say it is anything but glamorous. Starting salaries are around $30k and this is in cities like Los Angeles and New York. Just look at any big city's craigslist under marketing and pr and you'll see internships that require a college degree that are unpaid or offer $20 a day for lunch and travel expenses.

Is It Possible to Glamorize the Legal Profession with a Hollywold Starlet named Hilary that Most Closely Resembles a Skinny Little Boy?

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Hilary Swank, that is.  I an not fond of her.  Mostly because I think she looks like an ugly man--which may or may not be related to that movie she did about the cross dressing female who was beat to death.  So, it doesn't matter how glamorous she is dressed on the red carpet, I see a little ugly boy.  And, yes... anything is possible. 

Now I have a new reason.  As a reader of this blog, you surely know that loathe and dispise Hollywood's glorification and glamorization of the legal profession.  Well, apparently Erin Brokovich wasn't good enough.  We need another trailer trash slut taking on the machine when her brother is accused of murder.  Fox Searchlight is picking up Swank to play a high school dropout, single mom who fights the good fight for her falsely accussed brother by going to law school in the movie "Betty Ann Waters".

Although this is allegedly a true story, I find it funny that anyone in prison who is innocent would be best served by his high school dropout sister going to go to law school.  Just the idea of a law school grad helping to free an innocent man sans help is kind of funny to me. 

Never forget this... when you get out of law school, you know how to do NOTHING.  To use an anology, you know a bunch of theories of law, which are the bullets, but you've never been taught how to handle a gun, which is the procedure.  So, I can't imagine how this woman, Betty Ann, fumbled and bumbled through appeals--and was successful.  I actuallyu don't know if she was or not, because I don't want to spoil this movie for myself or anyone else.  I will eat crow if this movie is good, but it's just falsely empowering.  You can't typically take on huge important cases when you get out of school.  So, watch the movie and enjoy it.. but take it with a grain of salt.