Why is this happening to me?

So, I was a good girl. I loved school. I loved it so much, that I would cry if I had to miss it.  Even if I were sick.  I remember, as a child, telling my mother that I needed to get home to do my homework.  I excelled in school and this was important to my family.  As the child of immigrants, I understood in the core of my being that getting an education was the way to "make it".  I wouldn't be that girl from the strange foreign family in the lily white suburbs of Metropolis. I would be something one day.  Just stay in school.  A president told me that actually, and it stuck.

So, I was always an honor student.  I didn't have any pressure from my parents--it was all me.  I couldn't stand the idea of a "C".  The biggest insult I could ever hear would be that I was stupid.  I read books like people at the rate that fat people consume food.  Or drunks drink whiskey.  I couldn't get enough of it.  I went on to graduate with honors from College... and I continued on to Law School in due fashion like I had a fire under my ass.  I don't know why I rushed. But I felt compelled to become someone. I was going to be an ATTORNEY.  I would have a title that would scream "educated and respected."  Or so I thought.

I never really concerned myself with boys.  I was told, you have time.  Get your education.  Marriage and children can wait.  Why didn't my biological clock get that message?  So, I rushed through school.  For the very first time in my life, I found school to be a little much to handle. I graduated, but I didn't do wonderfully and I realized that the cards were stacked against me when I graduated.  But I told myself that I didn't need anyone to help me.  Screw career services.  Who needs 'em. I passed the bar and I can make my own way.  Just needed to stay focused.  Men and babies can wait.  Marriage can wait.  It's career that matters.

So, over half a decade later. I find myself in the worst recession nearing the magnitude of the great recession... and I find myself laid off.  And here I go again.  With yet another set back.  A measly savings.  A stupid 401K that was hit so hard with the stock market down turn, that it fell over.   I can't believe I'm here.  I did everything right. I have nothing to show for it.  What does it matter if you have a decent salary if you're stuck with nothing after a couple of years.  Why didn't I just get knocked up again?  At least I'd go home to a baby's smiling face.  I'm not complaining. I do have a couple of things to show for myself. But I just expected so much more.  And I'm not suffering from entitlement.  I just don't know what more I could have done.  My uneducated immigrant parents had a 5 bedroom house, two cars and two kids by the time they were my age. I have nothing... except a large student loan and dismal job prospects.

I'm just mourning the loss of what I never got to have.