Lawyers AKA Pompous A-Holes?

Ran across this letter and I nearly fell over in my chair:

I've been dating this guy who is a young, successful lawyer for a couple of weeks. I really like him but whenever we go out with my friends, he talks A LOT about the fact that he went to law school and is a lawyer. He doesn't even talk about specific law experiences. He just continuously reminds people that he is a lawyer. Most of the time, it doesn't even relate to the conversation, he just throws it out there.

Don't get me wrong, he should be proud because he worked really hard to get where is, but it just comes across as too much. Even my friends have noticed and have said how they really like him but "he talks about being a lawyer a lot." They weren't mean about it and just dismissed it as his way of trying to impress them, but he does it often, even among his own friends or new people he meets.

The fact of the matter is that I hang out with very down-to-earth people who aren't pretentious. So here is my issue: some friends and I are planning on going away and sharing a vacation house. I don't know everyone in the group that well and I am concerned that this problem will happen again, only it's a bigger deal because we'll all be stuck together for a few days. One friend even said "just make sure he doesn't constantly talk about being a lawyer."

I definitely don't want him to hide who he is and what he does, but I don't want him to gloat about it either. How do I tell him to cool it with the bragging without hurting his feelings or undermining his success?

– Cool It, Boston 

See what I mean?  Ha. If you recognize yourself as this guy, please shoot me an email!  Love it!

Oh yah, here's my answer.

Dear Cool It,

You're reading him all wrong.  He's ecstatic to have landed a job as a lawyer.  This is an achievement.  It's the gold medal of going to law school during this recession.  He probably realizes how lucky he is. He keeps interjecting it in conversation because he can hardly believe it himself.  Because you're assuming that all lawyers are well off and employed, you do not value his great success.  If he had  completed an Iron Man in record time, would you feel the need to silence him?  No. You'd let him talk about it a few times to many people--because it would be the accomplishment of a lifetime.  So, let him gloat.  He'll probably be let go from his Big Firm job in a few years, then you'll be wiping the tears off his face when he tells people he WAS an attorney.

Love, hugs and kisses,
Angel

Don't Wear a Wedding Ring and Other Ludicrous (but Necessary) Advice

Saw this comment on Shilling Me Softly and it reminded me of my own law school's career counselors and the advice they had for future grads:

I was in my later 20s when I started law school - not really non-traditional, I guess, though I had been out of college a few years and had a career as a paralegal. After doing really well in my job and being told I'd "make a great lawyer," I tried the LSAT, did great and got into a T14 and also some other schools with scholarships. I was married with a 1.5 year old child at the time. Long story short, I was like D.H. in that the acceptance letter from my 1st tier toilet said that I was a shoo-in for an awesome career, blah blah...I only later learned that a married mother with kids is not getting a job in law. I've been on interviews where they asked all about my husband and child, how I could work long hours and care for her, what my husband did for a living (I guess to see if he could be a stay at home daddy), etc. In short, things that were none of these peoples' f-ing business. I decided to shit-can the "dream" after that. I was lied to by my law school who only later (like D.H., again) told me that getting a job as a mother would be a "problem" and I should not wear my wedding ring to interviews. SCREW THEM, law, lawyers, the law school industrial complex AND the horse it rode in on! I am angry but not bitter, and have managed to find something to do that I really love and that in no way involves law. My heart breaks for single moms and dads trying to make lives better for their kids who succumb to the law school scam. Let's get the word out so hopefully it will happen less! I'm doing my part!

P.S. I guess what made me the sickest about this whole slimy experience was my career services dept. telling me to remove my wedding ring for interviews. Was that so as not to raise "red flags" that I may not be able to work 80 hour weeks for the measly $35K the shit firm wanted to pay me, or was it so the sad sack middle-aged shitlawyer could think he had a shot at younger meat? Who knows? I never found out 'cause I told the woman to go screw herself. That is when I started becoming liberated from this shitty profession, and I make sure to tell everyone I meet who even mentions the words "law school" what a raw deal it is all the way around.

One of the themes of law firms that I have harped on its their amazing ability to circumvent the law.  Law Firms and Lawyers sworn to uphold the law (kinda) regularly discriminate, fail to pay benefits and/or taxes when legally bound to.  Law Schools have grown wise to Law Firms' illegal tendencies and have addressed the issues with law students.  Here's a non-conclusive list of suggestions that I have heard of to land a legal job and circumvent their discrimination and other bizarre preconceptions:

1. If female, don't wear a wedding ring.  Married women will get pregnant soon after becoming associates and won't be able to meet the billing requirements of  a large firm.
2. If male, do wear a wedding ring. It makes law firms think you're responsible and willing to meet billable hour requirements to support a family.
3. If you have curly hair, straighten it and wear it in a law pony tail or bun. I guess this is so you can minimize your ethnicity.  All women should wear their hair in a low ponytail, a bun or a straight bob.
4. If female, wear a skirt suit and never a pants suit.
5. Always wear hose, only nude.
6. For both sexes, only wear suits that are grey, black or dark blue.
7. If female, don't wear a shell, wear a button down shirt under your suit.
8. If male, a dark red tie is a power tie.  Wear a dark red tie.
9. If female, wear pearls.  Don't wear any jewelry than a pearl necklace and earrings.
10. Never discuss your personal life with interviewers.  Don't mention a significant other, especially if female.  Significant other means pregnancy in the imminent future.

I actually listened to my career services and think it was helpful to follow these guidelines--except the skirt suit one. I hate wearing skirt suits.  However, listing them all out, it is apparent that unattached, Anglo females have an edge, as do males.  And these guidelines are designed to overcome discriminatory hiring that all law firms engage in, from Shitlaw to Biglaw.

Does anyone have any "guidelines" to add?

There is No Work/Life Balance for Big Firm Associates: From the Horse's Mouth

A female partner, Kathleen Wu, from Andrews & Kurth gives a reality check to lemmings: "Get real," she says regarding women's ability to find a healthy work/life balance while working in Big Law. Nice to hear it from someone who is considered a success in the Legal Industry. If you're not willing to listen to scam bloggers, because you think we're failures, whiners or whatever else, you should listen to her. She must know what she is talking about.

Recent grads shouldn’t get their hearts set on “having it all.” The practice of law is demanding — exceedingly so. It is next to impossible to balance a full-time legal career with marriage, children and regular trips to the gym. It’s no coincidence that the two women most recently nominated to the U.S. Supreme Court — now-Justice Sonia Sotomayor and nominee/U.S. Solicitor General Elena Kagan — are unmarried and childless.

I've said this once, and I'll say it a hundred times, even the ideal life for an attorney is far from ideal. Instead of making dinner for your husband, you order dinner on your client's tab and bring him the leftovers. That is not the way that most women want to live.

If I could say it any better, I would. But she summarizes it so well. I know that it's hard for lemmings to believe the scam bloggers when we might be the exception to the rule. But we're right about what all attorneys know to be true, being an attorney is not all it's cracked up to be.

Yes, you may be one of the "lucky" ones, make law review and get the premier job at the premier firm. But will that make you happy? Probably not.

Ms. Wu challenges to assumptions that most lemmings make when they go to law school:

So why do we move this to the category of “very very good advice?” Because, in our minds, for too long a notion has been perpetuated that with a law degree comes happiness. That notion rests on two faulty premises, one of which has been discussed much in recent years, the other less so.

The first assumption is that a law degree is a ticket to a well-paying job. As we and countless other blogs have chronicled in recent years, that’s just not true. Even when the job market was humming right along, back in 2005-2007, many students from schools outside the top-tier struggled to get jobs.

The second assumption — which Wu addresses — is that once the good job comes along, happiness will follow. But that’s simply not true. Even the best and the brightest — those who sailed through the top schools — often find themselves crushed by the obligations of the legal profession: the drudgery, the long hours, the tedious travel to uninspiring destinations. It may be true that you can squeeze in a successful legal career, a marriage and kids, and a hyper-efficient daily exercise routine. But chances are, there might not be time to learn Italian, write the Great American Novel, run your local community garden.

So, let's summarize. You either land the dream job and have no life OR you land the shit job and have no money. Why does anyone want to join the legal field? Yes there are exceptions to my general rule, but they are few and far between. Of course, if you go to law school on a full scholarship, the chances of you finding a low paying--but enjoyable--job as a lawyer are drastically increased. But most people go to law school of Aunt Sallie's dime. So, please heed Ms. Wu's warning, if you don't think mine is worth listening to.

Two Vastly Different Outcomes for Older Women.

I am wondering which one of these two scenarios I have to look forward to.  Apparently, the number of older women that are out of work has doubled.  


But where there are women that are suffering, there are many others that are seeking flexible hours at the work place.  Super Mom realizes what she can and can't do and wants to do it all.



Dads are taking advantage of it too.  


I know that there is tons of sexism out there, although we're considered equal.  As mothers, women are often forced to make a decision and financial needs are forcing people to choose work. I hope that more companies offer flex time and telecommuting in the future, so that the children won't suffer as much as we did--coming from the mouth of a former latch key child.


I can't help but think that older women may be discriminated against because they may want to have a life with their children.  Employers may not be willing to that risk.  


Any thoughts?