Make Way for the New Blood!

I was riding a bus with a neighbor today.  I was telling him that the law industry is done because there are too many attorneys.  Until the glut is gone (circa 2020, if we're lucky), there's no place for more attorneys and certainly no place for laid off attorneys like myself. I want out.  He asked a simple and innocent question:
"But won't there eventually be a need for lawyers?  What happens when the current lawyers retire?"

Case in point.  Robert Morgenthau.
Oh, you don't know who he is?  He is the previous District Attorney of Manhattan.  After thirty-five years of service, Mr. Morgenthau retired at the ripe old age of 89.  Yep.  He is ready to enjoy the rest of his life, free of the confounds of a legal career.  Do people even live that long?  There was lots of pressure on him to retire.  Otherwise, I doubt he would have.  Someone probably sat him down and said, "Sir, your slur is becoming a problem."



Yah, he's got no slur.  He's sharp as a whip.  Just like all attorneys without Alzheimers.

So, my answer to my neighbor was, "Lawyers don't retire.  They die.  And they don't die young, either."

I worked at a firm where the head partner died of a heart attack on the bus on the way to work.  He too was 89.

At the big firm that I worked at, there was a skeleton of an old man that I would see on occasion. I'm sure he was a partner at that point. He must have been 105.  He would go to the firm cafeteria every day for lunch and get a sliver of an apple and piece of lettuce to chow down on.  As most people should know by now, the secret to longevity is to barely eat. I'm sure he's aiming to retire any day now.  Yah, right.

So, without a large amount of lawyers retiring at 65--there will continue to be a glut of attorneys until law schools stop pumping new lawyers out.  Why would attorneys retire?  They don't have a fatty pension to look forward too.  I'm convinced that the old bags I've worked with and opposed to don't have the money to slow down.  They leave their young 3rd wives destitute and penniless.

Hollywood Glorifies the Legal Profession: Carlito's Way!!!! [Spoiler Alert!]

I don't much like rap music. I am definitely down with the beat.  I like most hooks and I sometimes get them stuck in my head.  But generally, I resent that rap music glorifies illegal drug dealing and the objectification of women.  Rap music will have our youth believe that drug dealing leads to lots of money and big butted women.  Generally, a drug dealing lifestyle will lead to a death by drive-by.  So, I think the  rap industry is irresponsible.  I like LL Cool J and Will Smith because they don't partake in that shit.  Of course, this is a huge red herring to my real point. Hollywood is irresponsible and dishonest in its portrayal of lawyers and I frown upon the inaccurate depiction of any group of people--drug dealers, ballers, corporate lawyers.

I can barely watch a movie or tv show about lawyers without cringing at the utter nonsense of it all. Damages, which was a show on FX, was a perfect example of that.  See below.  Bonus check for $2 million dollars, my ass.



It was that trailer alone that kept me from watching the show. I couldn't watch something that made lawyers appear so wealthy and glamorous.  There is NO WAY that a first year can earn a bonus check of $2 million.  Never, ever. So, they lost my business.

Last night, I was watching a movie called Carlito's Way and I got a familiar sick feeling in my stomach.  The movie is about a gangster named Carlito, played by Al Pacino.  But what bugged me out was Sean Penn's character, David Kleinfeld the attorney.  He was banging hot women in a club, doing coke off of every flat surface... he had a yacht and a beach mansion, a condo overlooking the triborough bridge.... and all the while being a solo attorney.  Kleinfeld had drug fueled orgies at his seaside estate. Actually, as an aside, I know for a fact that the beach house was the guest house of the mansion belonging to the owners of J&R Music World. It's in Kings Point, Long Island.  The yacht was owned by the same people as well.  At the time, Brian De Palma thought that the main mansion wouldn't realistically be owned by an attorney.  As it turns out, it's not realistic that the guest house would be owned by an attorney as well.  Most solos these days can't afford the primary domicile--let alone the beach front residence.

Even his office was awesome. The cherry wood panels and the opulent furniture. The secretary with the British Accent. Every solo office I ever went in looked like a cave, and not the bat cave either.... a dank and cold cave where things crawl in and die. Wild and crazy stuff.  Granted, Kleinfeld stole $1million from his client to bribe judges... but his wealth far exceeded that amount.  I have my doubts that an attorney in the late 70s could manage all of that... even though times were good back then.

My point, of course is that this is not real life.  Attorneys do coke, yes.  But it's not because they are party animals. It's usually to increase their productivity so they can bill more hours... fun times, right?
And if you're that rich of an attorney, you probably have no time to enjoy things like night clubs, yachts and ocean front property. It's a blatant lie.

The funniest part of the whole movie... to me... was the very realistic portrayal of Gail, Carlito's girlfriend.  She is a ballet dancer and can't find work in the city.  Why?  It's hard to break into the industry as a dancer or actress or otherwise... and that is certainly an accepted truth.  She ends up becoming a stripper.  How can Brian De Palma be so real about what happens to Thugs and Dancers in NYC, but portray lawyers as glamorous people who flirt with danger. 

Portraying lawyers in such an irresponsible manner is just as bad as having movie actors do smoking roles.  Both cause children buy into something dangerous.... going to law school and pulling out $100K+ in loans, and getting lung cancer. 

I'm pretty certain that every person who has every smiled at me when I said I was a lawyer has seen at least one film claiming that an attorney was rich. I wish that Hollywood would stop mass producing lies and bullshit.

That being said, the movie was excellent.  But I could have done without the rich lawyer. He would have been just as weaselly and complex as a broke solo.  I'm sure of it.