When I first started practicing, I really loved what I was doing. My first firm job was at a general practice firm where I had many clients, made court appearances, drafted motions--I really felt like I made a difference in their lives. They were very satisfied with my services and thankful. Some of them even gave me Christmas gifts. However, I was very stressed. My boss had me on a short leash and put me in some unforgivable situations. He yelled constantly. He had meetings about collecting--all the time. He didn't pay us on time. It was a volatile work environment. While I was there, I had a chronic stomach ache for 3 years. Every day... all day. I went to numerous doctors. I had no insurance at that time. I just wanted someone to diagnose it and fix it. Finally, a doctor told me it was Irritable Bowel Syndrome. He said that he didn't know what caused it, but he could prescribe Prozac because a mood enhancer was the best cure. I declined.
Also, while at the same job, as the months and years went--I literally felt the mobility in my back and neck decline. One day, I was sitting at my desk with my back to the door. A secretary came in and said, "Angel, I need you to review this for me." I tried to turn my head--and I couldn't. I couldn't turn my head and neck for the next two months. I went to countless chiropractors. I got massage therapy, took muscle relaxers and got acupuncture. Everyone who touched my neck said it was likely stress. Eventually it worked itself out.
So, we're years later. I worked at Big Law--which I didn't find stressful. After listening to people cry to you about their real problems, I really could put the problems of the Corporate World in their place. Nothing seemed that serious because only money was on the line. Yes, I worked late hours--but I would slip out to the gym regularly. I ate well. I had money. It wasn't that bad. I was just tired. Until the layoffs began. Then my stomach began to hurt me again... I wanted to increase my performance so that I wouldn't get the axe and my stomach was not cooperating. Well, we know how that story ended.
Now, I have my own practice and the stress is getting to me. It's not the same stress as when I was a newbie or working late hours for Big Law. I have different stress now. Whether or not I'm going to collect my legal fees. Whether or not I'm making enough. Whether or not I'm doing enough. How I can be in 3 places at one time, all the time. These days, I get these massive headaches. MASSIVE. My brains starts to burn and hurt for hours and hours and nothing seems to make it go away. I feel like my brain is burning my hair from the inside out. Every time I have one of these massive migraines, I see that a few more grey hairs have popped up. Correalation or causation? I don't know. Neither of my blue collar parents had grey hair at my age. And the gym? Forget about it. I simply don't have time. I wish I did. I'm sure it would help.
I am not sure what the job satisfaction of being a lawyer holds up to other careers, but I can't be alone with all of my ailments. I have plenty of friends who suffer migraines, fluctuate greatly in weight, have high blood pressure, IBS, etc. etc. etc. A look around any given courtroom shows me my future and it ain't looking too good. We, lawyers that is, seem to be rundown. We really resemble meth heads.
Have you suffered any physical ailments you feel are attributable to your job? Or is being a law student affecting your health? What about being unemployed? What about your mental health?
P.S. Harry's Law is right on point today with Prosecutor Puck talking about how he is a ball of nerves and lost all his hair because of his job. I wish I could post a clip, but it literally just aired. I wonder how many guys lost their hair a little too fast because they are lawyers. Hmmmm.
In case I haven't mentioned it; Harry's Law is the only legal show out there that is semi-realistic. I hear Lincoln Lawyer is too--but it's a movie. Should I go and see it? Or will I hate myself for contributing to the glorification of the legal industry again?
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Omg where do I start. I had one boss that was so emotionally irrational that I ended up in the hospital with heart palpitations, which doctors called a stress fueled anxiety attack and gave me what felt like mood altering drugs. I don't recall ever being so happy as when I took those. Luckily for me that boss got downsized. Since then I have had 2 bosses so I now role with the punches. The stress is always there. I'm on the corporate law side so the pressure to always bill and generate revenue isn't there but the pressure to produce results each year with less and less help is there. So like my counterparts when the days are long weight and happiness levels have fluctuated.
ReplyDeleteI have heard the same complaints from many physicians heading for the exit from the medical profession. Heck, they just get to the end of their residencies and sprint for the door.
ReplyDeleteUmm no I don't see any lawyers who look like meth heads.
ReplyDeleteSome are fat, some are in good shape. The fat ones usually wear rumpled suits and don't shave often. (I.e. some take care of themselves and their appearance, some don't) Just like any other segment of the population.
Hi Angel - you are so right. The stress can really get to you and really does cause physical manifestations - it does vary from person to person, though. I know many lawyers with digestive difficulties and headaches and stress-induced muscle spasms are very common. The overwhelming majority of lawyers that I know are also on blood pressure medication and I would say that over half are on some sort of mood-altering drug.
ReplyDeleteIt's really hard to explain the chronic stress level to law students, though. I try to explain it to them as - "you know how stressed out you are during finals week? Well double it. Oh, and finals week never ends. It's just one finals week after another - how many could you take?"
In my short-lived job, I had heart palpitations in between when I had panic attacks. When I went home in the evening, I didn't want to eat. I just wanted to stay in one place. On the first really bad day, I was in shock for a period of time before alternating between tears and anger. I had signed up for an art class with a friend, but I mentally checked out of it and was unable to get any benefit from it. I had plans to have a porch garden, but those were abandoned. I couldn't even effectively look for other jobs, which is one of the multitude of reasons as to why I quit working there after a few weeks. After months of looking for a job, I couldn't even rejoice with the income I had. I kept living just as poorly as I did for the months leading up to it because I kept waiting for marching papers.
ReplyDeleteWhen I finally started receiving income again, people can't figure out why I'm still living like a pauper. Granted, I was never a really big spender, but I ruminate over shoes, even though I am basically down to about 2 pair because the others squeak or need repairs. Even the soles are falling out of some of my "good" shoes. But I look at the price tag and balk. I can't get over that period of uncertainty on top of the student loan debt. People perceive this as "being cheap," but that entire year of unemployment/bad employment taught me some lessons that those people haven't had to quite deal with.
I'm a law student, and already I do feel the stress. It's exam time soon, and I think I may have irritable bowel syndrome too. Yay for diarrhea all day long. And I also get this random headaches that don't get cured by medicine. You're not alone, I think it happens to some lawyers, maybe not all, but definitely a significant proportion of us.
ReplyDeleteIt gets better as you get older - you gain perspective. Here are some ideas that work: take vacations - even 2 days helps - alcohol (getting drunk helps relieve stress - just keep it under control), prescription drugs (they have anti-anxiety and anti-depressants that work great), refuse to work for anyone who does not pay the full rate on time - have a one and done attitude toward these clients, refer out all stressful cases - have a one and done attitude toward these types of cases - you will learn, don't socialize with people who make more money than you, join a spiritual group - a church, a tai chi class, a book club - something like that, go on a mission to a poor country - that helps, and finally, don't judge yourself by how much money you make - develop other metrics - such as having freedom, being able to pay your bills, having a family, enjoying your work, etc.
ReplyDeletei like two of our suggestions in particular. Refer out stresful cases AND don't judge yourself by how much money you make and develop other metrics. New lawyers would do well to pay attention to those two tips.
DeleteI was diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome my first semester of law school. I didn't want to believe that it was stress, but it must have been because it went away after first semester exams and never came back. I still get a little sick to my stomach when stressed, but not the kind of symptoms I had then. Let me just say I had to stay very close to a bathroom for three months straight.
ReplyDeleteSame story here. When I worked as a lawyer, I was nervous, stressed, anxious, and all this was because of my boss who was (like most partners) a fucking mess when it came to management. One minute, he was nice, the next he was an irrational asshole shouting and tossing my work back at me through my office door. And this shit went on for almost six years.
ReplyDeleteI initially thought it was me being someone who couldn't handle stress. I ended up on anti-anxiety medication, antidepressants, and even that didn't solve the problem. It merely took the sharp edge off it.
I ended up quitting law, and I have NEVER LOOKED BACK. The profession is stupidly stressful and I knew that it was knocking years off my life, literally. My health was awful, 50% because of the stress of the job and 50% because I didn't have the time in my day to eat properly, exercise, relax or do anything else for proper physical and mental health.
My job right now pays enough for me to barely pay my bills and rent, but I wish I had quit law years earlier. LIFE IS ENJOYABLE IN A REGULAR JOB, EVEN WHEN THINGS ARE TIGHT. Ever wondered why almost every other person - other than lawyers - seems content with their lot in life? It's because when the constant mad stress is taken away, even a regular job is relatively pleasant.
Guys, life is way too short to be a lawyer if it's affecting your health. It will kill you. Some people (aka assholes, aka law partners) can handle being a complete dick to everyone else all day, but for the average nice person, being a lawyer is horrific. It wears you down mentally, and this ends up manifesting itself as physical problems. I can't say how glad I am to be in a normal job in a normal life and being able to put the law "career" behind me.
I was your average nice person, and now I am "a fucking mess" ... one minute nice and the next "an irrational asshole shouting and tossing ... work" back to my staff. I don't want to be this way. Everyday, I make a concerted effort to try to be nicer to my staff. I am not making excuses for my behavior but I am also now nervous, stressed, and anxious" from the practice of law ... the courts and clients being completely unreasonable and not getting paid on time or at all. I can barely get through a day without having to shut my door to cry. Given that I am supposed to be some type of bad ass trial attorney, I don't want others to know this. I worked in a law firm prior to law school and I never understood why so many of the attorneys were assholes, but I completely understand now. The stress gets to us, and we pass it on. I am a nice person deep down and it is how I end up treating people each day that causes me to have a lot of guilt. I don't know how to stop because I am such a basket case myself, and if I don't keep working, my staff won't have jobs.
DeleteI dumped the law gig after nine years...the firm could not believe it as "I was *just* about to make (non-equity) partner. I got an in house job (I know, even more difficult now to find) Immediately my health got better, I slept better, I don't bill, I take vacations and I make enough to live in Manhattan modestly; and eventually ... give up the bottle. If it's affecting your health, get out.
ReplyDeleteAnd really, someone should delete the post that suggests alcohol/prescription drugs as a release. Alcohol will just add to your problems; in no time at all it takes control (trust me, I know). Best not go there in the first place.
an attorney who advocates censorship? shame on you.
DeleteI, too, was horrified by that statement - but the rest of that same post made the most sense of any here.
While i don't trust those 'mood stabilizer' drugs, i'm aware that my knowledge is finite. some folks do swear by them.
Also, the stats do say that those who drink in limited amounts (pref red wine) live longer.
Advocating some limited drinking is dangerous because that gets used as an excuse to drink heavily -which is as toxic as the stress- but the truth is, stress is a killer and whatever will give some relief is to the good.
meditation is much more effective and safer, but is subtle and kind of a process, so its ok to use other methods as a standby until better things kick in. make sure you won't get stuck.
make personal rules based on what works, but don't get in a rut. keep experimenting.
keep up appearances as necessary for others, but don't get sucked into taking the competition thing into your own evaluation of self-worth. Cover your needs, but don't take money too seriously. (remember, money is 10 times easier to make in dirty ways than in honorable ones, so if anything, money is closer to an indication that you are doing something wrong than right..)
money does not measure you.
Well, if addiction is what one needs to survive--the people ought to know. I don't censor real life.
ReplyDeleteI had panic attacks at one point. Generally, they would occur at night. Very annoying things.
ReplyDeleteI definitely remember "regular jobs" draining my will to live when I was younger. They exhausted me, too. I think it's just work.
I've generally found work to be inherently unpleasant, being that it involves doing things you have no real interest in doing.
"I've generally found work to be inherently unpleasant, being that it involves doing things you have no real interest in doing."
ReplyDeleteI'm a engineer (mechanical) and I love what I do. Seeing something I've designed actually work as planned is a rush. My job does involve boring tasks, but every day I get paid to do things I would have done for nothing.
I considered going to law school (in 1998) but I decided not to. My best decision ever.
Mike
Being a lawyer can really be stressful. With all those problems you have shoulder; it is also your responsibilities to gather all the important details that must be needed in making out a solution. And being stressful would totally change your lifestyle appearance. Thinking too much could change the appearance of your face and it turns you to look old easily.
ReplyDeleteMike says:
ReplyDelete"I'm a engineer (mechanical) and I love what I do. Seeing something I've designed actually work as planned is a rush. My job does involve boring tasks, but every day I get paid to do things I would have done for nothing."
My undergrad major was chemical engineering. I remember students who actually seemed to have an interest in engineering. Engineering definitely wasn't my thing. I guess I'm one of the people who majored in engineering without any actual interest in engineering. I didn't know what else to major in and it was where my scholarship was located. Plus, it paid well out of school.
I suppose the same thing works in law. There are people who actually have an interest in legal writing/analysis/practicing law. Angel may be one of those people.
I do enjoy the law. Much of what I hate about my job is not the law, or the practice .. it's the people who refuse to follow the law (judges) or clerks that make it difficult to practice. I like what I do. I wish it wasn't so stressful though, but then it wouldn't be so pertinent as it is.
ReplyDelete"it's the people who refuse to follow the law (judges) or clerks that make it difficult to practice"
ReplyDeleteAngel,
This is one of the reasons I no longer practice.
My vision started to decline dramatically after I started law school, and I lost weight (not in a good way). A lot of my friends, young people in their early twenties, are having the first health problems of their lives shortly after starting law school. My decline in health was a big part of the reason I quit law school after my first semester.
ReplyDeleteAmericans really underestimate the effect that energy, specifically stressful energy, can have on one's mental and physical health. Law doesn't need to be so stressful - I'm confident I could have learned the material *much* faster if I didn't have giant readings with dozens of irrelevant cases every night. We make it far more stressful than it needs to be. Maybe it's because we think relaxed people are lazy.
I am a solo practitioner in Texas, and it's the only way I can practice law. The flexibility, getting to be yourself, getting to choose your direction and, to a certain degree, your amount of success. Handling peoples' problems is inherently stressful, and you have to make sure you are properly compensated for it or it does get depressing. But as another poster said, being a teacher can be depressing. Being a truck driver can be depressing. Being a doctor can be depressing. But very few occupations offer you as much flexibility as the practice of law, or a law degree in general. If you get your heart right (in a way having nothing to do with law), you will make better decisions in the practice of law and probably eventually find a way to enjoy being a lawyer.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing I'll mention is that if you are a lawyer, you have to have a creative outlet. And I mean *creative* - not golfing, not jogging. Lawyers a very black-and-white part of their brains, and I believe that their health suffers if they don't spend time being creative. There is nothing creative in the practice of law, except marketing your practice or preparing Power Point presentations for juries. So you have to nourish that part of you or you will feel it over time.
I think I might have a heart attack. I've been laid off twice. Once from BigLaw and then again from in-house. Last one was economy based. First one likely a combination of my not kissing enough ass, not being a man, and economy. Even when I was being laid off from my second job, I was so stressed out trying to leave everything in order before I got the ax because I didn't want to burn any bridges. I'm still unemployed and all those bridges I "saved" haven't helped. I'm in my early 30s. I can't even stop checking my email even though I don't have a job. I'm just checking my gmail, which is full of spam and facebook and twitter messages. It's been a month and I still feel stressed out from my last job and not having a job. I'm running up my credit cards trying to stay afloat until my next job, which is likely 50% of my last pay, which was 60% of my first pay.
ReplyDeleteI do have to say that I think being a lawyer, you have to be very creative-new arguments, new ways to think of things, new ways to craft language in a document... the only thing is that nobody cares or appreciates your creativity. That's what sucks.
free yourself from your expenses!
Deletedon't buy into the 'money defines success' attitude.
every dollar you don't spend is a dollar you don't have to sell your soul to get.
Oh where to start... I feel like law has ruined my life. I used to be interested in learning and being intellectually challenged. I thought if I were a lawyer, I could make a difference in the world. Nope. It was the biggest mistake I could've possibly made. Unless your sole motivation is money (not talking about the public counsel pro bono folks) you will be miserable. I often feel like the Simpsons episode when Mr. Burns shows Homer a room full of monkeys, smoking at typewriters. A smoking monkey could do my job. But I still owe close to $100,000 in law school loans. All of the stuff, clothes, cars, home, etc. - just not worth it. Law firms kill your soul. I suggest watching the National Geographic special on stress - it shows how stress kills your brain cells.
ReplyDeleteI've been planning to study law and it really freaks me out. Another four years of my life wasted into studying and all. Most of the comments above are really just like not so encouraging to say the very least, most of them are based on regrets why they took up law and ended giving up practicing it. I just hope I get to fix my mind, I passed the USC SCHOOL OF LAW entrance exam last may but I didn't have the guts to enroll...urggghhh! I might practice being a nurse then...hmp!
ReplyDeleteI'm with everyone here. I'm a partner in a big firm (for the area). I hate it. The work bores me. No that isn't the word. Bored is what I was 10 years ago. Almost insane is what I am now, like the bear walking in the same circle in the zoo, over and over. He used to be bored, now he has lost his mind.
ReplyDeleteI'm also stressed. Game pf thrones is what it is. Or equity. You win, or you die. You can't trust anyone.
The thing that keeps you is the money and lack of options. Finally for me the money is good. I've bought a house down the coast and I am scheming to live here, paid off.
My advice to young people is to get out.
I'm 37. Been employed since I was 20. Full time since 99. I've had health problems, sure. Panic attacks. Depression. Weight gain. high blood pressure.
Get out.
Hi. I graduated 12 yrs ago from a top law school in NY and knew even then that I wasn't cut out for the Big Law world. I need balance and me time. I ended up in- house and happy. I worked in banking for a bit too. Lawyers tend to be overachievers. I know I am. Sometimes we tend to judge ourselves too harshly. It's NOT a failure to decide you want to use your talents and degrees in an unconventional way. It's also NOT a failure to be unemployed in 2012. Anyone in real estate, law, or finance can relate. Stay faithfil. You might want to join some in- house lawyer groups in NY.
ReplyDeleteI share the thoughts of Angel and many others here regarding the stress of being an attorney. That's why I googled and found this page. It's difficult to fathom quitting a career path that I've spent so much time and money and effort solidifying. However, based upon my stress level, I think my exit from the legal proifession is inevitable and imminent. See, I can't even write like a real human being anymore, lol.
ReplyDeleteOne point I'd really like to make is thids: There are some lawyers who love what they do. There are more who seem unaffected by what they do. Not that they don;t have stress too, I'm sure many do. However, and I say this from 12 years of experience, the legal profession attracts some truly cold-blooded and non-emotional people to its ranks. Not everyone, for sure. But there are simply many attorneys who do not have the depth of emotional feeling that many people do, in general. These cold-blooded sharks love to argue and bitch and yell. They are, to a much greater degree than normal people, untouched by the emotional and sympathetic strings the average person experiences. This is how they are unaffected by the stress levels that we are here discussing. Point to be taken: Not everyone is like this, and there's nothing wrong with being more human being than shark. If someone who reads this is a college student and wants to know why lawyers make so much, look no futher. Being a lawyer is challenging, but its not difficult. You do not have to be a genious to be an attorney. Maybe to be a great attorney you do, but most lawyers are not great or a genious. They simply either like to argue and yell, or they are emotionally less, whatever term you care to use, developed, sensitive, weak, however you choose to look at it. So, practicing law, you are basically swimming with the sharks. This is not for everyone. Its certainly not for me. And, to admit this does not make me or anyone else a failure for coming to the conclusion that I don't really want to have anything to do with sharks. Again, not ALL attorneys are bad people, there are some very good people out there practicing law. But in general, they are the exception and not the rule.
Incidentally, I LOVED law school. The intellectual stimulation was wonderful. Practicing law is, in my experience much different. Law school is no barometer to determining if you will like to practice law. One is academic, one is war. If you're a current law student, don;t necessarily be discouraged, just know what you're getting into and determine if the real life of an attorney is right for you.
It seems like many of everyone's dissatisfaction comes from working at a big law firm. I started working in a boutique law firm over a year ago in NYC. It was my first law job ever and it came at a time I really needed it. I thought working for a small firm might be better and more helpful.
ReplyDeleteI was wrong. Even working for these firms can drive you crazy. My boss partnered with another lawyer who is never there, hired and re-hired a secretary who did not do anything because he thought she was hot, and gets horrible, whiny, despicable clients just because he wants money and prestige. On top of that, he refuses to put me on the payroll for whatever reason he wants to give. I had to force him to do a 1099 for me just so I can file taxes this year, and I was slammed for over 2500 in income taxes. He has helped me in some ways but I feel that it was more a way to make me feel in debt to him, which he could cash in later on.
I usually have to learn through trial and error because he never took the time to teach or guide me on how the court system works. I end up sitting there stuttering sometimes becuase something happened in the past that my boss did not tell me about and I end up getting owned in court. Then the client is pissed, bad mouths me to my boss, then my boss gets pissed and yells at me. He puts year old cases on my plate which he neglects and I get yelled at by judges for the stuff he did wrong. Plus, he is funny about paying us on time and will sometimes magically disappear on payday.
Maybe it is just the firm I am at, but lately I really hate practicing law. It is definitely not what it is cracked up to be. I sit there and think how much I hate clients, judges, clerks, and other attorneys. They always want to use the law for their own benefit and to make them look good for their clients, bosses, or whatever. The cutthroat, despicable practices of lawyers and even some clients just wears me out. Everyday I wish I had done something else besides law school. I'm stuck with all the debt and the crushing expectations that everyone has for you being a lawyer and all that. I find myself simply not caring about people's problems because I always think that they got themselves into that situation. They always expect the attorney to fix everything and you can't. You are just one person. It is not my fault you trusted the wrong people and are now broke becuase they stole from you. It is not my fault that you married some crazy person and had a child with them. I am sick of hearing about it, but then I feel like a horrible person for not caring about my client. I am losing my compassion, my humanity, and my soul with this job. I feel trapped and cannot get out of it.
I hope any of you that are going into law really like what their doing or have a plan on how they want to practice law that works for them. If not, you could be heading into something that you will not enjoy at all.
Your experience is the same as mine. I really hope it gets better. Truly. I feel for you.
DeleteI am so miserable as a lawyer that I have trouble thinking straight most of the time. Every day at the office is a struggle to bite my tongue. I know that sooner or later I'll have to get out, but leaving the profession now would mean losing my home, not being able to save for my child's education, defaulting on my student loans and those of my wife (who was axed at the outset of the downturn), and disappointing the people I care about.
ReplyDeleteMost of the work I do isn't "legal" - it's pointless, trivial stuff that a partner wants done for some unexplained reason. Trying to be reasonable and practical at a law firm is sometimes like banging your head against a brick wall - it feels good when you stop. So I keep doing what is asked of me, and keep hoping that I can keep my anger and sadness hidden from the partners.
I have worked hard my whole life. I have tried to be a good person, husband and father. I have been honest and moral. And I am the worse for it.
A week ago I was seated in a lecture hall on the first day of Law School orientation. For weeks leading up to the beginning of school I felt depressed and extremely anxious. I lost interest in my friends and family. I felt like I was loosing control of my life. When the orientation ended I repacked my belongings in my car and left.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I threw away the chance to become an instrument of justice or a great reasoner. Instead of spending the next three years fighting stress, I'm going to work towards a passion of mine. I hope I don't regret my choice down the line.
I am a lawyer and it is killing me. I have high blood pressure and an irregular heart beat. I used to make money at it but with the downturn in the economy I can barely keep the lights on. I have no idea how to get out as I have one kid and another on the way.
ReplyDeleteReading all of these comments has been enlightening. While I feel for all of you, I'm also comforted by knowing that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way. I've been practicing for 6 years. I wake up nearly every night thinking of something that I might have done wrong in drafting a document, a deadline that I might have missed, etc. I get so anxious sometimes I feel like my skin might fall off. I handled legal malpractice cases for awhile (defense), so I'm constantly worried I'll be sued for some stupid humanly mistake I might make. My health is suffering. I often think that there must be something better, more meaningful out there. But, my husband and I have become accustomed to our lifestyle, and I feel I'll be letting him down if I switched careers and made less money. It's tough, but it helps to hear other's stories/thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI was an engineer for 15 years. I was a project manager and what I designed and tested was military grade and helped our troops in Desert Storm! Yeah long ago. Then I went to law school. Biggest mistake ever! Have been working in the law now 15 years. Big firms, small firms, in-house (the BEST! but for layoff), solo...name it i've done it. Law school was fun. Legal analysis and solving problems is fun. BUT the practice of law sucks. I've had heart palpitations, gone through a cath, had back issues, migraines, stomach issues for years and I blame the practice of law. Each lawyer is fungible. The partners here work 24/7. It's crazy! AVOID becoming a lawyer, unless you can get a sweet in-house job.
ReplyDeleteI don't think being a lawyer is worth it. You should check out www.formvote.com btw.
ReplyDeleteI posted here about a year and a half ago. I'm here again because when I get panic-attack stressed about practicing law, I do a google search for stress and lawyers so I can calm down and not feel so crazy. I was having one 30 minutes ago and it's Sunday morning at 5:30 a.m.
ReplyDeleteThere are usually two primary requirements for getting into law school: (1) good LSAT score, and (2) good undergraduate grades. Neither of these requires that you had a safe, emotionally secure childhood. So you graduate, get your law degree, and go into a world of conflict, deadlines and high-dollar problems, indefinitely. There is a reasonably good chance that your upbringing didn't give you the tools to handle that crap on a daily basis in a healthy way. Money can't fix that on its own - it can only soothe a fraction of your life. There's a wall you hit every day, and you're so freaking busy and in the middle of it that you can't step back and see it for what it is.
Personally, I was a bundle of nerves every Sunday night about going to grade school Monday morning - elementary school, middle school, high school. Now I'm the same bundle of nerves every Sunday night about going to my SOLO practice on Monday morning. There's a pattern here that I should recognize once I remove my head from my derriere. It's me, not law. Maybe you can relate. Lots of days are OK, but they are always stressful and some, overwhelmingly, many of which are days that begin with "S" (!).
With that said, being objective: there's nothing inherently wrong with practicing law - you didn't create these problems, and you're just there to use whatever tools you have to resolve them, if they can be resolved. They aren't YOUR facts, just like the doctor operating on a chirrotic liver didn't create the bad liver - years of someone else's bad decisions did. Oh, and by the way, NO ONE is perfect, so it's natural for you to be imperfect sometimes - heck, even miss one of the 40 deadlines you had this month. You can and should take responsibility for it since that's what adults do - but when you beat yourself up for it, you may be playing out a crappy unbringing or an unhealthy craving for acceptance, but objectively, it's unfair to yourself and unnatural.
However, there is something wrong with practicing law if your inside is not adjusted to handle it. That's why I highly recommend that you take some of that good money - for those of you making it - and invest it on your personal or spiritual well being. See a therapist or a psychiatrist - you can't afford not to. Go to a 12 Step program if one applies to you. Get neck-deep in your spiritual faith if you are so inclined. If practicing law feels like more than 50% of your life, IMHO, then YOU are in the wrong and you've got your priorities and perspective all messed up. If, after a lot of self-exploration you just can't reconcile who you are with the daily grind of law, then there's your decision right there.
There's a lot of good money available in practicing law that you can do a lot of good with for your family and for others, so it's not worth throwing away a law career without making sure you won't have the same problems in any profession. But take the initiative and quit thinking life HAS to be this way. Because it really doesn't. IMHO, the biggest failure in the vast majority of people's lives is - the failure to recognize one's options.
Ahhhh, I feel better now, head's back on straight. Thanks. And I see a lot of pain in these comments that I can relate to - and some that seems so much deeper than my own on the worst days. And so I wish you guys the best with your journey on this.
Nice blog. I had fun reading this. And it is easy to understand. Nice going. Attorney Macon
ReplyDeleteThe life of an attorney is really stressful as they often face unique challenges in their daily work life. It will cause significant stress that can lead to tension and depression. The reason why lawyers are experiencing stress is because of over workload, lack of vacation, and interpersonal difficulties.
ReplyDeleteI love this. I am an attorney too. I agree with everyone here. It feels like we are all working at the same law firm going through the same struggles emotionally, physically, financially, and psychologically. I feel for every one of you.
ReplyDeleteAngel,
ReplyDeleteWhat advice would you give for students studying law? I am in my freshman year of college, and I would lie to be a Prosecutor. I eventually want to own a restaurant, too. Almost everyone says that it's very ambitious of me, and one person even said, "Good luck getting sleep!"
As I read this is is Friday at 6:30 pm and I am sitting in my car with dried tears in my face. I am avoiding a friend's business grand opening and happy hour because I don't want to be seen like this, or spoil everyone's good time. I would say I'm definitely depressed, but I don't have health insurance so I cant go to the doctor. I have 93 dollars in my personal account and my car payment is past due. I have my own law firm and have been doing the same sh#t for six years. The guy who advocated getting drunk as stress relief made sense. I feel all of your pain here and I wonder why we keep doing this to ourselves.
ReplyDeleteYour stories made me feel better in that at least I'm not alone. Every month I think, "I should give my notice and close the office." But I feel like I need to see things through and finish all my cases. The majority of which I have not been charging enough, not nearly, hence the broke-ness. I wish someone had a guide on how to get out. Like actual steps or checklist on closing up the practice (I know the Bar has this but also practical things like what the hell am I supposed to do next and what will I eat whilst unemployed.).
I thought about bartending like I did in college. At times it sucked and so did other jobs I've had, but being a lawyer has been the most stressful by far.
No point in listing all the physical conditions as I've had the majority of the same, plus unexplained hives all over my body. What is scaring me now is the level of sadness. I never had this before in my life. Like there is no end in sight, ever.
I know my problems are "first world problems" and it makes me feel even worse and ungrateful for my unpaid-for education, etc.
By the way I liked law school too. Practice of law has only brought me occasional glimmers of happiness.
To those who are thinking about going to law school or in law school I highly recommended you do some time at a firm before you spend 150k plus for a career you may hate. It will be worth it.
Thanks for letting me vent. I'm going to wipe the tears away and go have that martini now. Maybe I'll see if their hiring. Good luck to you all. Ps I found a nice site today called Tiny Buddha. Another thing that helps me is making a list of three things that must get done everyday, not more than that, and make sure one thing is easy.
So happy that you ran across this blog. I have my own practice so I don't have to tell you how busy it is.... so busy and hard to maintain anything outside of work. Good luck to you in winding down your practice.... or recovering it. Try to have a nice evening!
DeleteHELLO TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC.
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Good grief... what a sad and discouraging set of posts/comments! Reading over everything posted above definitely gives me a new perspective on wanting to go to law school. After reading the entire page, I realized that what I'm most interested in is the intellectual challenge of law school, and from the first hand experiences given above it sounds like that doesn't exist in the "practice of law" (the real world).
ReplyDeleteFor everyone who is miserable, or lost, or having a hard time with their practice, I hope that it gets better for you. No one deserves to be that stressed out and sick.
Hi honey, I feel ya! Wow one yr in as a solicitor, and I know I cannot do this for the rest of my life. Everyday I experience a horrid tightness in my chest. It makes me wonder if I have heart problems. The happiest I felt was getting anaesthesia to pull my wisdom teeth out. All I could think of was as I was going under was "Ahhh so this is what it feels like to not be physically & emotionally crippled by stress, depression & anxiety". I'm quitting next yr to start at Midwifery school. I'd take the lower pay any day for a slice of happiness. I'm tired of torturing myself, and I just feel it in my bones this is the answer. I simply cannot stand being imprisoned to this chair poring through suffocatingly boring documents.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Thank you. Thank you. I have had irritable bowel syndrome for ages and I tried medicine. I really thought it was because of what I ate. I spent a lot of money on medical bills. I always suspected my job as a lawyer is affecting my health.
ReplyDeleteI found this blog for reasons not raised here. My "life in law" has different paths but I did obtain my JD, right during the dot com crash; I knew being in the Bay Area that the floor had fallen out below me. I had worked in litigation as staff during law school, part of the program... after "temping" for years, and 3 plus years not practicing, or sitting for the bar exam to practice, I was offered a full time perm job as legal assist for $70k and then.. then I said no. My physical medical conditions had not manifested as described but I had trained to be a workaholic, ready, "for combat"- in other words, detached from my true self fully, obsessive, great litigation adrenaline skills (no longer able to work without lunch break though) and related. I turned to a 12 step program for workaholics.. and indeed many of the participants are from the field of law, including Judges, clerks, lawyers, partners, and related -- identities anonymous for obvious reasons. I turned back to who I truly was going back to my teens.. I am now an artist, spiritual, have a partner (who was in Nam as a pilot). We survived the great recession, (he went to lawschool two years before being drafted) and our legal training has allowed us to protect us in tenant rights unlike the "class" of citizens unemployed in low income housing. I turned my life over to god as I understood it. My partner, has a thicker skin than me and today we are filing in Federal Court on a controversial issue: photo red light ticket issues with city, county and state having a financial interest in the high California ticket rates. This work is my last piece of work because I am a new me; feel my real self. Yes, I let go of all of it financially, turned it over and through gratitude I know I was protected. You all are NOT alone. This website serves humanitarian purposes not present in the practice of law. You are in combat like being in war; war is not just a metaphor. These are all symptoms of PTSD.. really... your mind will argue with you about when, how and even what "rule" to follow to balance your life back to your true self, heart and soul. I say do it even if it is a walk during lunch, first thing in the morning. I have many friends who left the law and found another occupation. I appreciate this blog and comments; it serves a higher purpose for so many. Tonight working on this last piece of legal work, I had this image of being in a cave or basement with one of those miners head light on, and feeling like a kid smirking.. I will see the light. My thoughts reading your comments sending that light back to ya'll... the light works.
ReplyDeleteand what about secondary trauma when you do criminal defense, deportation defense, or civil rights? thanks so much for all of the posts. I feel less alone with my anxiety, doubts, and suffering
ReplyDeletehahaha you lawyers are scum and deserve every second of your suffering !!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDon't be mean, us lawyers have feelings too. :(
DeleteI'm an attorney in tech and practice on my own these days. I have also practiced at big firms and in companies. I don't find other lawyers to be the problem, but I'm not a litigator. I actually find most of the other attorneys to be lovely, and it's a welcome change for me to deal with them. However, the deal (business) people, the constant unnecessary firedrills, the lack of training of deal people, the cleaning up of their messes, the emailing everyday at all hours with unreasonable requests -- that's what's killing me. And none of the business people seem to care. So, as one person said above, if I work on something, do a great job, find a creative solution, finish the project in a very quick manner -- no one cares. It's demoralizing. The lack of boundaries, manners and training on the part of the business people is also demoralizing. I realize that I actually don't mind the law or the work itself, but the people you have to deal with all the time are awful. I seem to be unable to balance my life b/c one minute I have no work and the next I have a complete (and unnecessary) firedrill with no warning. And it's only going to get worse because of technology and lack of training, organizational skills, or common sense in younger generations. I'm not sure that other professions are much happier. Everyone I know is stressed out and bored with his job. Only bankers seem to have a nice lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteI am an unemployed lawyer. I was laid off from the legal department of an insurance company about 18 months ago. The last 6 months I have tried to open my own solo practice on a shoe string budget. But I have had very little business. Through a referral service that I paid for, I was sent clients but they all seem not to want to pay the attorney fee I offer which is reasonable. I end up doing only consultations for nothing. It is very frustrating. I mean there are a lot of people with legal problems but they don't seem to want to compensate the attorney or they think that attorneys do cases on a contingency basis which can be expensive for a sole practitioner since you have to lay out all the costs. I can't afford to do contingency cases. So I am closing my office after 6 months and thinking of relocating since I have spent 18 months sending 100s of resumes with no success.
ReplyDeleteI do not appreciate one of the previous posters who said that lawyers are scum and deserve to suffer. This is insulting and irresponsible. After all the individuals who go to law school and graduate with a law degree, sacrifice their time away from family and friends in order to study hard and accomplish their legal education. Society should recognize and respect people who study for a professional career. After al lawyers help people. This should be respected. In helping people, lawyers are entitled to make a living like everyone else. Many of us make very little but give a lot of help and make great contributions to society. People that insult lawyers just don't understand what lawyers do and what is involved in the practice of law.
I don't want to leave the practice of law because I like it. I have been practicing for 14 years working in both the private and public sectors. I like helping people and figuring out solutions. I agree with many here that its the people involved in the judicial system that make problem solving difficult if not impossible. I am thinking of going back to some government job or non-profit organization. Making a lot of money is not important to me, I just want to make a living and be content. I will continue to try to make a difference little by little and step by step.
The sadness ... I feel the sadness, too. I have had challenges in my life but never before would I have said that I was depressed, but I am depressed, and all of my problems come directly from the stresses of practicing law.
DeleteJust found this website. I worked at biglaw for 13 years and made 2x more than my husband. I "resigned" in 2010 and worked at a large firm in 2012 for 8 months. Been unemployed since, but have not had a desire to go back to work.
ReplyDeleteI had the same maladies as most of you. Stress, chest-pains (even rushed to the hospital while on the job in New York), depression, anxiety. The stress and coping mechanisms (meds and alcohol) have had a profound negative effect on my life. I have always had a strong work ethic yet, on most days, do not even feel like taking a shower.
My husband is angry and depressed because I have not gone back to work, even though we are wealthy. He is worried we will end up eating "cat food" when we are 80 because I have not returned to the practice of law and, according to him, we have no children or anyone to take care of us. In my opinion, we will be more than able to take care of ourselves/each other. The more angry and depressed he becomes, the more stress I feel.
All I want to do is make the world a better place. I am sick of the coping mechanisms but do not know what to do to be happy again. Thoughts?
The chest pains ... I have had almost constant chest pains for the past 5 years, as well as muscle aches, headaches, sobbing, weight gain, etc., etc. Usually, I work remotely through every vacation, but I just took a vacation with my son's school to Europe where I had very limited internet and cell service. I was gone 10 days and, almost miraculously, all of my physical symptoms were gone after 2 days of being disconnected from the office. Upon my return, I could feel my body tightening up as I drove to my office on my first day back, and, now, a week later, I feel worse than before I left. I don't know what to do. I have to keep working because I am not wealthy and I have to pay the bills. We don't live excessively so there really isn't anything I could cut out so that I could stop working.
DeleteFor about a month before I left on vacation, I started having a nightmare where I would wake up every morning and I felt like I had forgotten something on a case. I could see the file but not the name of the file. I had this dream for a month straight, and I drove my staff crazy trying to determine what I was missing. I never figured it out, and I am hoping it was just a product of my anxiety.
Five years of BigLaw . Had (and still experience) depression, anxiety disorder (quite a few panic attacks, although I was very good at hiding them), irritable bowel syndrome (and generally inflammation of various areas of my digestive tract), and high blood pressure. Also, like you, there were times where I would be unable to move my neck in certain directions or to certain degrees, had some pretty bad back pain after a few years' practice, and ultimately developed carpal tunnel.
ReplyDeleteI eventually had to take a medical leave to treat the various health issues that cropped up (including surgery).
I am not sure if I can make it back after my body recovers...
Your post could have been written by me. I am so stressed to the point of feeling mentally and emotionally unstable. I have said repeatedly, "I did everything right! How did I end up like this?" I was valedictorian in high school and voted most likely to succeed. I had a 4.0 in college. I scored in the 90th percentile on the LSATs. Graduated from law school with honors and passed the bar the first time (big deal when more than 50% fail). All I ever wanted was to be a lawyer, and, now I feel trapped and would like to wake up at 18 and be able to do this all over and be anything but a lawyer. I am physically ill almost every day but with nothing actually diagnoseable. My kids never see me. My husband never sees me. I have become a royal bitch to my employees, and I don't want to be that way. I have significant cash flow, but my student loans take all the cash that I can't really pay my bills. Clients are demanding, even when I go above and beyond. The courts are unrealistic and almost punitive in scheduling. I literally feel like I am losing it, but I have no other marketable skills. I have gone to counseling, which has proven useless because I don't have any self-destructive behaviors other than working. Sigh ...
ReplyDelete