I've been dating this guy who is a young, successful lawyer for a couple of weeks. I really like him but whenever we go out with my friends, he talks A LOT about the fact that he went to law school and is a lawyer. He doesn't even talk about specific law experiences. He just continuously reminds people that he is a lawyer. Most of the time, it doesn't even relate to the conversation, he just throws it out there.
Don't get me wrong, he should be proud because he worked really hard to get where is, but it just comes across as too much. Even my friends have noticed and have said how they really like him but "he talks about being a lawyer a lot." They weren't mean about it and just dismissed it as his way of trying to impress them, but he does it often, even among his own friends or new people he meets.
The fact of the matter is that I hang out with very down-to-earth people who aren't pretentious. So here is my issue: some friends and I are planning on going away and sharing a vacation house. I don't know everyone in the group that well and I am concerned that this problem will happen again, only it's a bigger deal because we'll all be stuck together for a few days. One friend even said "just make sure he doesn't constantly talk about being a lawyer."
I definitely don't want him to hide who he is and what he does, but I don't want him to gloat about it either. How do I tell him to cool it with the bragging without hurting his feelings or undermining his success?
– Cool It, BostonSee what I mean? Ha. If you recognize yourself as this guy, please shoot me an email! Love it!
Oh yah, here's my answer.
Dear Cool It,
You're reading him all wrong. He's ecstatic to have landed a job as a lawyer. This is an achievement. It's the gold medal of going to law school during this recession. He probably realizes how lucky he is. He keeps interjecting it in conversation because he can hardly believe it himself. Because you're assuming that all lawyers are well off and employed, you do not value his great success. If he had completed an Iron Man in record time, would you feel the need to silence him? No. You'd let him talk about it a few times to many people--because it would be the accomplishment of a lifetime. So, let him gloat. He'll probably be let go from his Big Firm job in a few years, then you'll be wiping the tears off his face when he tells people he WAS an attorney.
Love, hugs and kisses,