Sunday, September 20, 2009

What the hell do the Chinese know???

I knew that I wanted to become a lawyer when I was 16 years old. I had a couple of bizarre coincidences that made me think it was my destiny. I used to do Model UN in high school and I was damn good at it. After I kicked ass as a controversial country at a Model UN meet, a couple of unrelated people went out of their way to tell me that I was good on my feet and I should consider becoming an attorney when I grow up.

Later that year, my mom sent me to Congress with a family friend--a congressional staffer. Although I thought his job was a boring as watching paint peel, his description of the role of lobbyists on Capital Hill intrigued me. He said that lobbyists are often lawyers. I thought that life seemed like the life for me.

The final clue came about a month later. I was eating chinese food with a friend and I opened the fortune cookie with eager anticipation. I'm extremely superstitious and I take what those fortune cookies say to heart. So, I cracked it open and I ate a piece of it (cause the fortune doesn't count unless you eat the cookie) and I held my breath as as pulled out the fortune.

It read: "You will be a good Lawyer." NO JOKE. I took the fortune to be a sign and I put myself on a life course to become a lawyer. I even kept the fortune for years and years--as a symbol of my future.

10 years later, I was clerking for a judge and coming to the end of my clerkship and I was heading home with the contents of my desk in a duffle bag. On my desk, I had a picture of my best friend and I and at the bottom of the framed picture was "The Fortune." I lovingly gazed at this fortune during the entire clerkship, longing for the day that I would make appearances in court and zealously advocate for clients. Anyways, I digress. I'm on the train, on the way home from my clerkship with my framed fortune, and I fell asleep. When I woke up, my duffle bag was stolen with my wonderful fortune. I should have taken that as a sign from God. Although, I'm superstitious in every other aspect of my life, I didn't take this bizarre theft to mean anything at all.

Eventually, I did become a litigator and a DAMN good one. I tried cases, argued legal memorandum, won cases against people with far more experience and money than my rinky dink firm and I. I would have continued to be a great attorney if SHIThead bosses and low pay didn't push me to greener pastures. Okay, I needn't remind you, that was a bad move... because going to big law for a cushy position as a Staff Attorney rendered me expendable and did nothing to further my skills in the courtroom. Now, I'm expended, i.e. unemployed.

So, this weekend, I'm having chinese food with my main squeeze. Mind you, I am down on my luck--having been fired on a week before from my comfortable job. So, I'm looking forward to this Goddamn fortune, as if my life and livelihood depends on it. I'm hoping it gives me insight in my future as a contract attorney. Or maybe guidance as to my new business as a solo... I need a good fortune. What does it say? It says, "You are next in line for a promotion in your firm" What the flying fuck does that mean????? I was just fired. At this point, I'm ready to dig a hole to china, just so I can bop a chinese wise man on the head for misleading me the first time around and fucking with me the second.

Just to make the whole incident divinely ironic, my sweetie pie opened his fortune cookie, and it says: "You will do well to expand your business." HA! He is still an employee of big law! What the ef? He has no immediate plans for a business. I'M THE ONE WHO IS UNWITTINGLY GOING SOLO! I should have gotten his, and he should have gotten mine (or he would have liked to)... Or I should take this whole thing as a sign that I made a mistake basing my future, my destiny, on a fortune cookie... a mistake that has lasted nearly 2 decades.

Moral of the story: Don't base your life on Fortune Cookies. :)

No comments:

Post a Comment


Blog Template by - Header Image by Arpi